Manipulation is a big thing within the modern dating world. As much as I’m happy now, I’ve been messed around by a boy more times than I can count. And guess what? I just let it happen.

I know, hindsight is a wonderful thing. At the time, I thought I was in love, we were going to get married, that it would be forever, and it didn’t matter that I wasn’t actually his girlfriend AT ALL.

Don’t worry, I’ve supplied evidence of such behaviour dated… 20-year-old me is ashamed of 16-year-old me.

This was all the same boy. I’m disappointed in myself, too.

I accepted way too much in that relationship. I’d completely lost myself, any dignity I had, and any identity I had. It was really hard.

When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was torture. Somehow, it was often bad, but little words would make me believe it was good. I was drip-fed what I wanted to hear. I wanted commitment, stability, love, and honesty. He’d give me little bits of that, so I thought I’d eventually get all of it, when really, he’d just give a little so he could take away a lot of who I was. The whole messed-up, controlling, confusing relationship we had was built on empty promises.

You have to learn to tell the difference. Closeness is built on trust, loyalty, respect and freedom. You choose the person to be close to. They hold a safe space for you where you feel protected and stable. They support and encourage your individuality. The excitement to see you succeed. This person should feel like a warm embrace.

Communication is a huge thing. Do you feel seen and heard? Do you feel listened to? Relationships are a two-way street. No manipulation. No control. Just a mutual love and respect for each other.

You don’t realise how much of yourself you’ve given away until you finally stop and look at what’s left.

Love isn’t confusing. It isn’t inconsistent. It doesn’t make you question your worth or shrink yourself just to keep someone else comfortable.

The truth is, I didn’t lose him—I lost myself. And that’s something I’ll never let happen again.

You teach people how to treat you. And once you learn your worth, you stop accepting anything that asks you to forget it.