There’s a girl I grew up with who shaped so much of who I am, and I have her to thank for the person I’ve become today. It’s been almost 10 years since we met, and writing this lets me look back on the bond we shared and just how much it meant to me.

This is my childhood best friend, Katie. We grew up side by side from ages 11 to 18. We’re nearly 21 now, and while we’re not as close as we were in these photos, we shared a life that only best friends could understand. We’ve fallen out more times than I can count, but even now, I’d trust her with my life.

Katie was my person growing up—she knew everything. My latest crush, my deepest thoughts, my worst enemy… even what colour underwear I was wearing that day. There were no secrets between us, and there was something so refreshing about that kind of honesty. You don’t get that same level of openness as you get older. We had our own little world, just the two of us, and I honestly don’t think I could’ve got through my teenage years without her.

Don’t get me wrong—10 years is a long time, and we weren’t always the best of friends. We’ve both said and done some crazy things to each other. That’s just part of growing up. As we tried to figure out who we were as individuals, it inevitably affected who we were together. I can see that clearly now, but at the time, every fallout felt like the end of the world.

If Katie made new friends, it felt like the worst thing imaginable. I’d feel left out, like I was being replaced. Looking at it now, there’s a level of possessiveness over your best friend, not necessarily in a bad way, just because it matters so much. When we both had boyfriends, it was deemed okay to spend a little less time together. But if only one of us did, it felt completely different… lonely, and honestly, I would be jealous.

Your best friend can influence your behaviour immensely. Luckily, Katie and I would discreetly try to be better than each other at school, so grades were never a problem, but we’ve definitely done some daft things. It’s a stage of life where you’re each trying to figure out who you are and what morals you stand for; this can put pressure on relationships, and that’s completely normal. You shouldn’t compromise what you stand for because of any kind of relationship. You may wobble, but that best friend should never let you fall. I know mine didn’t.

Katie and I now live over 100 miles apart, and the lives we once planned together as teenagers feel even further away. But reconnecting with her while writing this took me straight back to being 13 again. Looking back on that time—especially with her—honestly made me cry. Hearing what she had to say meant everything to me:

“Having a friendship group growing up is such a difficult thing to maintain, look after and sometimes enjoy. You never feel like anyone’s priority, but having one best friend can often replace 10 ‘good time friends’ for me, that was Rubie; trust me, we went through many friendship groups. We were always the duo in a trio. I think it’s fair to say me and Rubie were pretty much the copy and paste of each other, but in such a beautiful way that we never went through anything alone. I think that’s what a lot of teenagers suffer with, loneliness, whether that be having no one to go to when you’re upset, no one to seek advice from or no one to share the most important milestones in your life or even worse, the things that happen every day, and you just want to share that. I can wholeheartedly say Rubie knew me inside and out, the good, the bad and stuck by my side through everything. It’s so weird writing this because 5 years ago we planned road trips to France, spoke about how our kids would be best friends and that we’d dig a tunnel under our houses so that we never had to spend time apart. Today, we never went to France, I don’t even want kids, nor could either of us afford a house right now! Rubie lives in Sunderland with her boyfriend, I live at home with my family, and I’m an accountant. I never thought our paths would ever be so unaligned. The difference now is we’re grown ups yet everything is still so similar, if Rubie called I’d answer and the most beautiful thing about being bestfriends with someone so pure, even if it was 3 years ago, is that you will always have some special bond no one really gets, we still cheer eachother on from miles and memories ago and that is something irreplaceable. To this day, I don’t think there’s anything Rubie could say to me that would ever shock me, and that’s the beauty of it all.”

During one of the most confusing times in our lives, we had each other. I would be exploring things, like the best way to shave my legs, and she would help me. When I wanted to lose my virginity, she and I talked about it first. When everything felt like it was falling apart, she was there. She believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself—whether it was with school or in my personal life. In so many ways, I feel like I owe her everything.

There aren’t really words strong enough to describe how important friendships like that are. You don’t need a big group—you just need one person who truly gets you. One real friend can carry you through life in a way that ten surface-level friendships never could.

I hope you have your own ‘Katie’, I don’t know what I would’ve done without mine.