Love in our generation is corrupted. It used to be about flowers, opening car doors, dates, the total admiration of that person, but now it’s: don’t go out with that person, you can’t be friends with them, that’s not allowed. If you’re lucky enough, love is freeing, it’s magical, but for the majority of us, you’re trapped in a cage, isolated and controlled. This is not love. It’s a manipulation of the idea of love.

Nowadays, toxic relationships are normalised, and we parade around if we receive anything but. People younger and younger are experiencing what they’d call love, but they’re experiencing the wrong kind… the worst kind. We don’t know how to remove and then fix ourselves after these situations. I know I definitely don’t, but being open and honest is a good start. I’ll go first. This boy was my first love. I was 14, and he was 17, and I was determined to make him mine. I longed after him for months, begging him to notice me, to pay me attention while he told me about every girl he’d ever been with, how I’d always be second best. The kind of toxic where you block and unblock each other consistently, something that the younger generation are now valuing due to this malfunction in society. I used to go against my parents’ wishes and meet him in secret. I must admit that it was fun sneaking around, but I honestly wouldn’t recommend it. It broke down the relationship between my parents and me when, really, all they wanted to do was protect their little girl. This should have been the first red flag, but I was naïve and extremely stubborn. August 15th 2020, was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend after begging for him 11 months prior. It’s like a dream, isn’t it, getting the boy you wanted? I thought it would have been, and it was for a little while. He was very insecure; he had all my passwords, removed anyone he wanted, got angry at a simple Instagram follow, but I did whatever he wanted because he told me he loved me, and that was all that mattered. I pictured him as who I wanted him to be, not who he was, and it never got better, only left me with the consequences.

Our generation thinks this is love; they think control is attractive, that manipulation is sexy. It isn’t. It’s damaging, traumatising and scarring. From a girl’s perspective, I know how immensely petrified I am to let a boy get close to me again, I’m scared of going through the pain and the tears again, I’m scared of letting someone have that physical hold on me again, and I know there are plenty of people out there feeling the same. I used to sit in my room every night and cry, wondering why I wasn’t good enough, why he couldn’t just be happy with me, but I could never leave. Somehow, the ten minutes of good outweighed the 3 years of bad. He was the only person I had; I was isolated from my friends and family, vulnerable. Don’t let this be your idea of love; it can be so much better than this. It can be like Romeo and Juliet. Don’t disregard what you’re worth because of an image.

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I can honestly say it does get better. When I wrote the first half of this piece, I was only 16. I’m now 20. I don’t think this article has the effect I wanted it to, unless I finish it from a better place. I think about this piece quite a lot, the state of mind I was in, and I’m glad I was brave enough to write it down. I’m in a completely different stage of my life, even a completely different city. This city is where I happened to meet the best thing that ever happened to me.

I learned to love again. I learned to trust again.

I’m not saying my current relationship fixed me. I fixed myself. A relationship won’t work if you’re dependent on another person. 

It took me some time and some bad decisions to learn to love and trust again. And I think that’s completely normal.

At almost 21 years old, I can sit here and be grateful for the things that happened to me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Everything is a lesson.

Maybe I grew up a little fast, maybe some things forced me to. But I’m grateful for where I am now.

I’ve learnt to accept the idea that we would not be given challenges we can’t face.

When I first wrote this article, I thought my world was going to end. I was just a girl, a very heartbroken girl. But my world did not end. I learnt how to pick myself up in the worst situations. I learnt to respect myself. I learnt what I deserved. And that is a big thing about growing up, learning what you deserve. Learning what not to accept, in all relationships, not just partners. Being alone is better than being with someone who is willing to hurt you, no matter how sorry they are afterwards. No amount of empathy or love can heal someone else’s traumas and issues; only they can do that work.

Even the ugly has a sparkle somewhere. You just have to find it.

So, ‘Romeo and Juliet’ may not be dead. Love definitely still isn’t what it used to be, but it does exist.

Not everyone you intertwine with will be your missing link; they may just be a lesson well learned.

You have to kiss some frogs to find a prince, as my mum would say.

One last thing… the 18-year-old boy who thinks ‘you’re so mature for your age’ is not the love of your life. I learnt that the hard way.